Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
