I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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