my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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