Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
