walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
