last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
