ya dads aren't the best wingmen
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
