Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
