i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
