ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
