you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
