I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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