Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
