So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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