conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
