similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
