I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she pinky promised me she was 18
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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