Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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