she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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