so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
