I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Enjoy the penises
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
