Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
