The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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