Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
