Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
