Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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