sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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