She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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