You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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