we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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