i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
