Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
