Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
