Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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