and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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