I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
