Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
