i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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