I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
