I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I believe in your delicious
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize