just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
