how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
