i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My balls are so social today.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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