You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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