Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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