I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
