Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish you could order shots online.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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