tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
