big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's shark week go big or go home
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
