I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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