I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
