just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize