I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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