I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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