So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
