She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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