you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
