I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
