I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
