I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
