one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
