In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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