Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
