honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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