Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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