i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
