Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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