I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
