i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
