at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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