So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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