If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
