Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
