I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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