A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize