Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
