I just saw a hot homeless man
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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