Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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