Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
