omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
