i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
