Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
